TV poker is the last respite for the athletically decrepit

Have you ever wondered who on earth could be watching all this televised poker? The answer, of course, is me. (or is it I?)
Either way, there has been a poker explosion in this country. And, if you really want to, you can watch people play cards on TV most any time of day or night. The poker boom started on ESPN a couple of years ago when ratings for the World Series of Poker began to take off.
This is a series of tournaments played in Las Vegas where anyone with the entry fee can play. The series culminates with the main event which has a $10,000 buy in and thousands of people play Texas Hold `Em for a couple of million dollars.
The 2003 tournament was won by an amateur by the name (I’m not making this up) of Chris Moneymaker. He defeated a lot of professional players along the way and I think that’s what made it so interesting for so many people – the idea that an accountant from the Midwest could defeat the best players in the world and win a fortune.
When I was a kid I watched baseball games thinking that one day I could be a Major League player. Then I saw my first curve ball. Even in my 20s and early 30s, I could hit a 3-pointer and play in a decent pick-up game. But my days of taking it to the basket are behind me.
These days it’s golf. But poker I could still do. It just takes a little intellect and a little luck and anyone could win the biggest tournament in the world. “I could do that,” the middle-aged, overweight couch potato such as myself might think. You could spot me 20 strokes a day and I’d never win the Masters, but I could sit around a table and play cards for a week and maybe even win.
Unlike most sports, where the action is shown live on television, ESPN shows the World Series of Poker months after the actual competition has been completed. It condenses each of the smaller tournaments into an hour or two and boils down the main event, which might take three or four days to play, to half a dozen or so one-hour episodes. That’s roughly the equivalent of showing an entire baseball game in 20 minutes.
They’ve been playing the World Series of Poker for years, but the recent development was the installation of tiny cameras in the tables that can show what card the players are holding. That’s made it possible for the audience at home to get some idea of what’s going on. We can tell when a player’s bluffing or when he’s trying to trap his opponent into making a big bet.
ESPN also discovered that no matter how many time they show the same poker tournament, people seem to be watching it.
Fox Sports has jumped in with a series of made-for-television tournaments for professionals only. The pros are fun to watch too. It’s group of people that look like everything from suburban housewives to 120-pound Vietnamese grandfathers.
There’s the long-haired guy with the cowboy hat that everyone calls Jesus and the John McEnroe of poker who has been known to knock over his chair and curse at his opponent after losing a big hand. All these people need are trading cards.
The Travel Channel televises tournaments as well. The World Poker Tour goes from one glitzy venue to another showing many of the same players.
Then there was Bravo’s version, Celebrity Poker Showdown. Did you ever wonder what would happen if you put Alex Trebek, Travis Tritt, Rosie O’Donnell, Rickie Lake and Meat Loaf at the same poker table who would win? Me either, but I’ll watch to find out. I don’t feel good about it afterward, but I do watch.
I’m an easy mark. I’ll watch almost anything the sports channels show. Obviously, I prefer the big three, baseball, basketball and football, but, in a pinch, I’ll watch almost anything, including golf.
My mother used to say if there was a show with two guys bouncing a ball against a wall, I’d watch it. The exception to this rule is NASCAR. I just don’t get it. It’s like standing on an overpass and watching traffic.
I’ve played in a few semi-regular poker games in my life, but they’ve always been with guys that didn’t really know what they were doing. We had a good time and drank enough beer to float a small boat, but the poker was pretty bad.
The dealer would call the game and there were always a bunch of wild cards and goofy rules. We played games like Anaconda or Three-Card Low Ball, Draw One Twice. If the game is different every hand, you can’t learn anything about your opponents.
I did learn an important lesson once. One night I had something to do early in the evening so I showed up after the others had been playing (and drinking) for an hour or so already. And I was on a diet at the time that didn’t allow beer. So I sat and drank diet coke all night and left with most of the money. The others announced that I wouldn’t be allowed back in the game until I was drinking beer again.
I’m not sure you could get anyone to watch if they televised that.